I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
