her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
