What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
