So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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