I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
