I just made out with a guy for $7.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
