If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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