It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
