google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Houston, we have a squirter
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize