he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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