We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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