The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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