Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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