she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i think my cat just said my name.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
