my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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