So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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