I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
