Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
God, I missed his penis.
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