dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
