Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
