if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
