Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
