The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
