wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
