why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
