Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
