She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
