I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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