i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
