first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
