did you get engaged???
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's official drugs can't kill me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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