just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
