hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
