I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize