You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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