I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
