Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
