Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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