I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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