and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
