y did u give ur computer a hand job?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
