can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
