Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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