I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
