I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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