Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
