Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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