I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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