Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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