i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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