I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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