your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
