i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
