she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
