I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
