Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
