for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
