the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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