What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
