even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
