I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
