meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
