i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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