Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
