Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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