We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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