You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
