I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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