he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
