Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
PANTIES FOUND
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