repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
