so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize