you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
