He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have fence marks all over my body
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
