If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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