Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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