yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
