We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize