Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
