I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
