Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
