Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
