Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
