No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
