You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
