my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
