ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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