What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dick very happy bro
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