I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
