i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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