i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
