u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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