just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
