I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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