I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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