your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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