The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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