Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize