If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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